How to Deal with Offences
A sermon based on Matthew 18:15-20
by Rev. Frank Schaefer

I believe the Lord Jesus wants us to free us from every chain and give us true freedom. This morning we read about how to deal with offenses in our lives. It is important for us to deal with offenses in the right way, or else they can become like a chain around our feet and slow our every step.

God always gives us a choice. The choice is that you can either be caught up in an offense cycle or your can stand up and break the offence cycle. In a sense you can learn how to deal with offenses in a constructive and healthy way--for you and your relationships.

Being offended is not being hurt, or being wounded. We all get offended, but there is a healthy way of dealing with it and then there is an unhealthy way of staying in the offense. Being wounded is staying in the offense, it's like staying in the pit. You know, there are people who are stuck in an offense that happened 10 or 20 years ago, and if you get them in a vulnerable moment they will tell you about the offense that happened 20 years ago as though it just happened yesterday.

If you get stuck in hurt and woundedness, you can get to a point where you get so bitter that it becomes part of your life. When you live in this kind of woundedness you will loose your love, your passion for life itself and you will become bitter and dull inside. I have seen this spiral of offenses kill marriages, ministries, family relationships, and churches.
 
This mornings message is about positively confronting offenses and the offender before they turn into the poison of woundedness and bitterness. I believe that God wants us to adopt a pattern of behavior in which we continually deal with offenses in a positive and reconciliatory way.
 
The reason I say this is because there will always will be issues, there always will be offenses by something some brother or sister says or does. Offenses that cause us to stumble are all around us, because our pride is so easily offended. Offenses happen in families, at the work place, on the playground and even at church. I can guarantee you that sooner or later people will say something or do something that will offend you, that will cause you to stumble.

I was reading Paul's letter to the Corinthians and, of course, millions of Christians have read his letter to the Corinthian church throughout the ages. Paul writes in the beginning: "I am sending Titus and 'the other' brother to you." He mentions Titus by name but apparently he either did not think too highly of the other brother, or maybe he forgot his name so he says: I'm sending Titus and "that brother." How would you like to be that brother? How would you feel? Probably offended.
 

Before we delve into Jesus' instructions on how to reconcile with our brothers and sisters, I think we need to understand Jesus' concept of forgiveness.  In another passage (Luke ) Jesus teaches the disciples about forgiveness for those who offend us.  He says, if a person offends us and they come to us and apologize that we should forgive them—even if they offend us 7 times in a day--we are still asked to forgive this person who has sinned against us.

And the disciples who heard this teaching said to the Lord: "Increase our faith." In other words, they realized how hard the expectation was on them. How can anyone forgive a person 7 offenses in a day? Or perhaps, it is the same offense over and over again that we are asked to forgive.

OK. I wanted to know, how big or small exactly is a mustard seed. And you know what? From what I read it really is tiny--even for a seed--it is absolutely tiny; you can hardly see it with your bare eyes. You almost need a magnifying glass to see it.

And so Jesus continued: if you have just a little faith you could say to that Mulberry tree: "supplant yourself into the ocean" and it will happen. Did you know that the Mulberry tree has one of the most vicious and elaborate root systems of all trees. In fact, when they want to get rid of Mulberry trees, they just cut the tree off real low to the ground; they leave the stump in the ground, they don't even bother with digging out the roots because it is a big pain to get them out of the ground. The roots become so twisted up in the ground. It is hopeless.

Jesus uses another powerful analogy to show how much damage unforgiven offenses, when we let them become woundedness and bitterness, can do in us; they become an intricate part of our lives, twisted up inside of us; so much so that they become inseparable from our lives and start to consume and eat away at our lives.

The good news is that Jesus is saying with a little faith, it will be possible for us to actually forgive--as hard as it may seem at the moment. With a tiny little bit of faith we can get rid of the bitterness and the woundedness. Jesus says that we have the choice to stop the cycle of offenses. The first step is to forgive and once we we have forgiven the offense then we'll be in a better poise to seek reconciliation with our brother or sister who offended us.

So what does Jesus ask us to do in terms of taking steps toward reconciliation?  He asks us to have faith.  Faith in what?

1. Faith in our Brother/Sister.

First of all, Jesus asks us to take the initiative.  Don't wait around until your brother or sister comes to you, you go to him or her first.  Otherwise, we could wait forever.  Perhaps our brother or sister may not even know that they offended us.

Sometimes, we need to have a little faith in people, a trust that they don't really want to offend us personally. Some would call it: "the benefit of the doubt." Give people the benefit of the doubt. Have a little faith in them.  yes, they offended us, they sinned against us, but perhaps they did it inadvertantly.

So share your feelings with them and see what happens.  Most likely they will apologize and will say that they did not realize what they were saying or doing was hurtful toward you.

2. Faith in the Church Body

If the offense does not stop; if the relationship becomes hostile, we need to take it one step further, Jesus suggests; we need to utilize Christian brothers and sisters that act as mediators.  One of the more better known modern examples in this regard is Christian family and/or marriage counseling.  But, of course, this is also available for other relationships;  there is even Christian conflict intervention for entire church congregations.

Christian conflict resolution and counseling is a powerful, powerful way toward reconciliation in the Spirit of Jesus' teaching.  Of course, it takes both parties to agree on this method and if one party refuses to see a counselor or if they refuse to reconcile, then Jesus asks us to take the matter to the congregation.

Instead of allowing people to fall by the wayside and drift out of fellowship, we are called as a congregation to keep reaching out to them in a reconciliatory manner.  Even if they are the ones that bring the offense, even if they refuse to reconcile we are called to continue to reach out to them.

This is at least the spirit in which I understand Jesus' words: "if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector."  To let them be to us as a Gentile (non-believer) means that we need to reach out to them as we are called to reach out to all Gentiles (non-believers).  That's the essence of the Great Commission (Mat 28:19ff).
 

Conclusion:

Jesus said offenses will happen--even in church. But this morning Jesus asks us to have a little faith in the power of forgiveness to bring healing and reconciliation to our lives, our relationships, and our churches. Jesus believes in us; he believes that we can do this.  That's why he said that it takes the faith of a tiny little  mustard seed.  Let's apply a little faith this week and in the weeks to come and let us become reconcilers in our church and in our community. And as we do, we will experience the power of God in our midst--the power of forgiveness and reconciliation.  Amen.