How Your Love Language Can Fuel Your Spiritual Life
by Frank Schaefer

Download the PowerPoint Presentation: Love-Languages

Scripture Reading: John 3:16-18 The Message (MSG)

I got the perfect message for Valentine's Day! Let's talk about our love languages.  Dr. Gary Chapman's book "The Five Love Languages" (1995) has become a widely popular and helpful concept. It is used in a variety of applications ranging from couple's therapy to spiritual retreats. What are the love languages and what can we learn from this concept?

In short, the five love languages are about the way we feel loved and valued by others. They are different for everybody. You can speak one or more love languages based on your personality type. According to Dr. Chapman, there are five love languages:

Love Languages:

• Affirmation

• Gifts

• Acts of service

• Quality time

• Physical touch

Let's say your primary love language is "words of affirmation" but for your spouse it is all about touch. Your spouse will need a lot of hugs and cuddle time while for you it's more important to hear words of affirmation and love. As long as you both understand what primary love language your partner is speaking, you can give each other what you need for a fulfilled and satisfying love life.  It's important not to judge. To me, the love language of gifts used to seem "shallow." But, again, its a matter of personality and perhaps, upbringing, that determines how you feel loved.  What's important is that we need to be aware and accept our differences and work to show love to each other.

Now, I find it very interesting that the concept of love languages have recently also been applied to spirituality. God can be said to have provided all 5 languages (and perhaps more). The idea is that everybody, no matter what love languages we speak, are being reached by the endless expressions of love God extends toward us.

In our Scripture reading, we experience God's love in a multitude of manners, perhaps that's why this verse is so famous. God didn't just verbally express love, but also gave sacrificially, served us, spent time, and touched us through Jesus' ministry....

Five Love Languages exhibited by God toward us:


l. Words of affirmation - Jesus affirmed all people, "Your faith has healed you"
2. Gifts - God gave / sacrificed God's own Son, Jesus gave all of himself
3. Acts of Service - Jesus healed the sick and fought for the poor/ oppressed
4. Quality time - Jesus spend time to teach us, live in community, train disciples
5. Physical touch - Jesus' touch brought healing--physically and spiritually

Now, we as human beings seem to have primary ways in which we feel spiritual as well as feeling being loved. I used to think that in order to fulfill my duties as a Christian, I had to engage in all spiritual expressions equally. I had to pray, read the Bible, meditate, give, and serve equally. Today, I understand that we all have primary ways in which we live out our spirituality.

Spirituality:

• How do you feel that you grow spiritually?
• When do you feel closest to God?
• How do you feel spiritually fulfilled?



Equating Love Language with Spiritual Expression

Love Language                          Spiritual Expression

l. Words of affirmation - Worship / Prayer / Encouraging others / Seeking Wisdom
2. Gifts - Sacrifices / Giving of self / Sharing time, money, energy
3. Acts of Service  - Acts of Service / kindness / justice / education
4. Quality time - Studying / Reading/ Meditation / Time in God's Nature
5. Physical touch - Fellowship / Rituals / Symbols / Caring ministry / Visitation