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Father's Day Humor & Stories

Does your Dad speak with the voice of Reason or the voice of Doom? What fatherly sayings had the biggest influence on your life? Here are some:

Don't ask me, ask your mother.
Were you raised in a barn? Close the door.
You didn't beat me. I let you win.
I'll play catch after I read the paper.
A little dirt never hurt anyone-just wipe it off.
You call that a haircut?
This will hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.
You call that noise "music"?
We’re not lost. I’m just not sure where we are.
When I was your age, I treated MY father with respect.
As long as you live under my roof, you’ll live by my rules.
I’ll tell you why. Because I said so. That’s why.
Do what I say, not what I do.
You want something to do? I’ll give you something to do.
You should visit more often. Your mother worries.
I'm not sleeping, I was watching that channel.
What do you think I am, a bank?
What part of NO don't you understand?
Didn't your teacher learn you anything?
 

Real-Life Father's Day Stories & Annecdotes
shared by people like you

My dad used to say to me: "Don't look at me in that tone of voice!"

After doing exactly what he had warned us never to do, "Don't do what I do, do what I say!"

My father always said if you make your bed hard, you must lay in it.

Who said life was supposed to be fun?!

My father's favorite saying was: "I brought you into this world and I'll take you out!"

This is what my son said to me when he returned from boot-camp. "Dad, you're not as dumb as I thought".

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My father's wise words have kept me out of some trouble, but not all...he used to say frequently, "Whenever in doubt don't!" Unfortunately I didn't doubt enough. BB in IL

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When fishing with my Dad, we would often have to cross the stream. He carried my brothers and me until we were old enough to wear waders. I thought I was big enough to go it alone, but I soon realized, with the current sweeping me downstream, that I needed his big hand to hold onto me. So it is with God, our heavenly father.

DRA in Kansas

Father's Day Worship Resources Happy Father's Day, by HW in HI, Mt. 10:24-39   The Silent Treatment, by Dave Gladwell, Isaiah 6 v 1-8, John 3 v. 1-7 Father's Day Prayer (by Richard Fairchild)   Father's Day Children's Sermon: The Construction Zone, Mt 7:21-29, Rev. Randy Quinn

My dad and myself, never really had a chance to know each other until I graduated from Bible college and was married. He was an active drinker (high volume) until I was a late teen. One Sunday afternoon as my wife and and I were leaving my parents house, I leaned over and gave pop a hug. He grabbed me very tightly and in my ear said "I love you son," - The first time I ever remember him saying that! I told him the same and left the house on cloud nine. That "tradition" has not changed for over 16 years now! Dads, TELL YOUR KIDS YOU LOVE THEM AND LOOK THEM IN THE EYE WHEN YOU DO IT!

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As a self absorbed teenager preening in front of the family bathroom mirror for what must have seemed like an endless eternity to my usually patient father, that wonderfully wise father said: "You wouldn't worry about what people thought of you... if you knew how seldom they did!" Food for thought, eh? CW in N.Ont.

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As a teenaged girl in the late 50's, my father always said to me, "You can always come home." It has been the basis of my theology every since. It got me through many times of sorrow and trouble in my young adulthood. I didn't have to go home, but the offer was there, warmly extended. PWinMA

stay out of that water until you learn how to swim.

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My father smoked for most of his life which may well have contributed to his death at 58. However, he did quit smoking at age 45. He said, "I started smoking when I was 15 to prove that I was a man, and I quit at 45 to prove the same thing.

On the occasion of my brother's 21st birthday, my Dad said," Happy Birthday son. Now that you are a legal adult, remember you can go to jail with the big boys!"

My dad had many favorite sayings: "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." "Necessity is the mother of invention." "Meat's not meat 'til it's in the pan."

After hearing one of his sayings for the umpteenth time, we said, "Dad, that is such a cliche." Without a second's thought, my dad replied with a smile, "Trite, but true."

My dad always said "You can't get lost if you don't know where you are." clw in co

My dad always told me "If you stir in something long enough you will eventually get it on you" Allen, Phil Campbell, AL

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This is a true story. One day, when I was about 19 years old, I was changing the toilet paper roll, and unfortunately dropped the wooden dowel down the toilet. My father was pretty angry with me for my mistake.

But he set out to take apart the fixture to remove the dowel. He went into the basement to shut off the water, and wanted me to help. I unfortunately turned the wrong valve and he got blasted with water. When he got dried off, I drove him to the plumbing supply house for parts.

By then I was even more upset, so when I parked the car I unfortunately got too close to the curb, rubbed the tire and got a flat. My poor Dad changed the tire, bought the parts, fixed the toilet, turned back on the water, and went on with his day.

He passed away over 15 years ago, but I still remember his patience and restraint of that day. Happy Father's Day, Dad!

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